It’s been a long time since my last review, eh?  Well, what we have here is a unique work.  Be prepared to delve into a world where the line between absurd and serious is straddled… Welcome to Geobreeders.

Erm, hold on…

We start off with a sinister-looking woman negotiating a contract.  So, this is gonna be the Sylvia Stingray of the group, right?  Let’s move on.

The scene changes to a military operation just outside a power plant.  What could be going on?  Terrorists?  Um… okay, literally nothing else fits the setting we’re presented with, so let’s go with terrorists.  It seems a tactical strike is about to go down, when suddenly…

We are rapidly introduced to the members of Kagura Total Security:

 

Oh, and let’s not forget Yoichi Taba, the only male member and constant buttmonkey, because it was obligatory.

So now that we’ve got the boring professionals shoved out of sight and introduced to the real stars of this show, one can only guess what our colorful cast of heroes will do!

They… run away.  From cats driving a tank, though, so… totally fair.

It has been scientifically proven that combining cats and tanks is an undeniable sign of quality.  Tail Concerto did it, Those Who Hunt Elves did it (and made it a ghost cat for good measure).  What more proof do you need?

So, unfortunately the first mission was a bust, so we don’t get to see Kagura in action.  That’s what the second mission is for!

This mission has Taba, Takami, and Yu sent to a shopping mall to take down a Phantom Cat.  I should explain what Phantom Cats are.  Well… they’re cats.  And… they’re phantom.  Okay, so they’re cats that can transform into a human shape and for some reason they can also communicate and travel with / through electronics.  So a bunch of catgirl pseudo-Freakazoids.  Except they can be male too, but… imma focus on catgirls.

Although Kagura is equipped with special weapons that can damage Phantom Cats, their primary goal is to capture them via talismans.  How do talismans work?  Well, they can be used to stick directly on a Phantom Cat’s forehead, but this only stuns them.  Their true power comes into play by sticking talismans at four sides of a room, connecting one of the talismans to a portable computer, and pressing the “delete” button (screaming “DELEEEEEETE!” is purely optional, but they do it anyway).  Rather than deleting them, though, the Phantom Cat is saved to a disk.

Take a moment for all that to sink in, and… moving on.

Taba has considerable difficulty dealing with this one Phantom Cat.  As you might imagine, most of this fight is one-sided against him while he tries to get into position to trap the Phantom Cat into just the right area to use the talisman trap.  In the process, the mall gets struck with SWEET, GLORIOUS COLLATERAL DAMAGE.  BTW, there’s also a third party called the Hounds, who also hunt down Phantom Cats, but they work for the government.  Kagura is privately owned and in it for the money, and they get a nice bonus if they get the job done quickly.

Eventually, the mission is a success, and we meet up with the final member of the team, Maya.  Well, she’s not really a member so much as just there.  Maya is a Phantom Cat who has some sort of attachment to Taba.  I honestly can’t tell if she’s supposed to be his pet or just a step below girlfriend.  I assume Kagura allows her to run free simply because she’s one of the good ones.  Or… possibly the only good one as far as I can tell.

Taba gets chewed out because they’re missing some talismans, so he gets sent off to recover them.  While he’s out, SURPRISE GUNBATTLE!

Kagura HQ gets attacked by a grocer and a delivery man wielding machine guns.  Then they get shot at by gatling gun fire from a helicopter belonging to “Maichi Newspaper.”  In a running gag, Yuka refuses to acknowledge these as disguises and thinks they were actually attacked by grocers and a newspaper company.

Oh yeah, what’s Yu up to?

Turns out, the true target is Maya.

As soon as they incapacitate and take Maya, they run off, leaving a destroyed and unusable office suite behind.  Meanwhile, Taba is still off looking for those talismans.

He meets up with a female member of the Hounds, who gives him some interesting information while also giving us extraneous shipping fuel.

As it turns out, there was yet another faction at the mall, and it was most likely them who stole the talismans.  They were also connected to a suspicious cargo ship that the government isn’t allowed to approach.  Who are they?

Wait for it…

Russians.  Yep.

So, the Russians have Maya, and they demand to know where a certain package is going.  Maya transforms back into a cat form, but that just makes it easier for them to torture.  Their horrible torture method?  Filling a shallow basin with water and putting Maya in the bin.  Get it?  Because cats hate water!  The best part about this scene is how dead serious it is.

Maya eventually manages to flee and reach a computer where she attempts to (I think) escape via the Internet.  But it’s blocked (somehow) so… yeah, no way for her to get out.

Meanwhile, Kagura has set up shop in a local restaurant.

Taba wants Kagura to rescue Maya, but Kagura doesn’t work for free, ESPECIALLY right after their HQ has been blown up.  They finally agree to work in exchange for a pay deduction from Taba’s salary in 40 installments.

Since they need to work as cheaply as possible, they forgo using their boat and intercept the cargo ship via inflatable raft… then climbing up a grappling hook line.

The ship appears to be empty at first, but they soon stumble upon a huge crew of Phantom Cats!  Taba and Yuka manage to flee to Eiko who finally gets some action via her weapon of choice…

Okay… here’s the rundown.  Taba and Yuka both use crossbows.  Maki has an arsenal of small firearms.  Takami throws switchblades.  Yu is a driver (and vehicles are in fact deadly weapons, which you should have learned in driver’s ed).  Eiko… uses brass knuckles.  It would be fine if she were a badass in close quarters, but she only gets a few hits in before she’s pinned down and needs to be saved by Taba and Yuka.

Still, at least she’s more useful than Yu.

The three evade Phantom Cats and run all around the ship, then learn that the entire thing has been rigged with explosives.  Taba and Yuka get cornered while Eiko tries her best to disarm the detonator when who should arrive to make the save but…

Maki!  Maki shows up on a boat mounted with a DRUM-LOADED ANTI-TANK GUN, I SHIT YOU NOT.

Maki clears the deck, but unwittingly causes an explosion that prevents Eiko from disarming the bombs… resulting in the entire ship blowing up.  Fortunately, Maya wasn’t on that ship, making this excursion a pointless waste of Taba’s future earnings.

Kagura regroups at the restaurant without any clues when, conveniently, they receive a half-finished encrypted message from Maya.  Using the information given to them, Kagura attacks a second ship.  The Hounds arrive on scene as well, having spied on Kagura.  They spot that female Hounds member apologizing to Taba, and they figure she and Taba have been getting friendly.  Ribbing and teasing ensues.

I can’t help but feel like I’d appreciate it more if I knew exactly who liked who beforehand.

Kagura finds out that there’s a nuclear weapon onboard, and Eiko manages to get the Hounds to sign a contract allowing a team-up (and, of course, for Kagura to get paid for their services).

As you might imagine, on the boat are yet more opportunities for collateral damage.  Since it’s pointless to run all of them down, here’s a set of reaction shots.

With the crew subdued (and the ship crashed into a harbor… gotta love that collateral damage), Eiko calls it a mission success, even if they haven’t found Maya yet.  Unfortunately, it’s not over yet, as one of the crew drives off in a tank with the nuclear warhead in tow.  Yu’s van was destroyed in the wreckage, and our heroes have no way to catch up.  Jokingly, Maki calls for a cab.

A cab shows up.

What follows is a ridiculous tank chase that involves a nuclear warhead being knocked around like a pinball.

Turns out it was a dud.

Kagura returns to the restaurant (where Taba is now working part-time) to celebrate.  Maya is rescued by the Hounds off-screen, and Taba continues to work to pay off his debt.

Comedy: 4
Just as hilarious as the best comedies of its era.  It’s very much in the same mold as 801 T.T.S. Airbats, and it even has the same director.  What really makes the comedy work in Geobreeders is how seriously each scene is treated, no matter how bizarre and absurd it gets.  There are no silly sound cues or lighthearted music tracks during ANY jokes, which in anime is the equivalent of a sitcom with no laugh tracks.  Not that that in itself makes it funnier, but it is appreciated.  Like most comedies of its era, much of the hilarity comes from its colorful cast of beauties, of course.

Pleasure Rating: Damn Good Watch
Sure, there are a lot of series with the same structure as Geobreeders, but there’s a reason for that: the formula works.  So it may not be particularly original, but it sticks to the formula and does it well.

Rewatchability: 4
I’d definitely watch this again, and dubbed, even.  Among U.S. Manga Corps dubs, this is somewhere in the upper tiers, which means it’s mediocre to above par overall.  Rachael Lillis (the original voice of Misty in Pokemon) does Takami’s voice, making that Brock joke earlier slightly more relevant.  What’s that?  Oh, yeah, rewatchability… Plenty of fun scenes to revisit, and it’s short enough, so why not?

Music: Forgettable
The music is mostly ambient.  No really memorable tracks, even in the opening.  The ending is fun and full of Engrish, but incredibly skippable.

Marketability: 7
It’s got memorable and colorful characters and a gimmick that’s easy to get into, plus plenty of (while not excessive or distracting) fanservice, as well as a fairly unique sense of humor.  Honestly, much like Legend of Himiko, this series has all the elements necessary to be a hit.  It’s even more tasteful than Sailor Victory and easily could have made the jump from OVA to TV.  Why didn’t it?  Well, it could have something to do with the fact that the author stopped writing altogether; Geobreeders has been on hiatus since 2009… which is still impressive considering it started in 1997.  We easily could have had a Geobreeders TV series in the early 2000s, and it would’ve hung with the best of them.  Then again, Geobreeders is part of an era that includes Sakura Wars, and the OVA came out in 1998, which was a particularly stacked year in anime.  Seriously, look up what anime came out in 1998.  It’s no surprise that a decent gem like Geobreeders got buried compared to what it had to go up against.  But I will say that if they made Geobreeders figurines, I would definitely consider picking up one of any of the main 5 girls.  Yu and Maki moreso.

There is, of course, a manga series as well as a 2000 OVA that I intend to hunt down for myself, so this won’t be the last time I visit Geobreeders.

Oh, I guess it’s time for the obligatory Youtube video link.

Overall, a great, fun, overlooked OVA.  It’s main flaw is that it works more as an advertisement for the manga than anything else.  It’s at least more standalone than the Ninku movie was, but it suffers a bit from some missing context.

So, what’s next up on the Review list? Evangelion 1.11: You are (not) alone. Awwwww yeah… can’t wait to take some Bluray screencaps for once.