Very rarely do I get surprised by something quite like this.  And when you consider the VHS box, it’s hard NOT to get the wrong idea:

The back of the box reads as follows:

On a faraway planet, a mysterious priest trains Jiro, an outcast, to be a powerful and feared Ninja warrior.  The young boy soon masters the extraordinary arts of stealth, mind control, and karate.  When he is called to embark on a perilous mission, Jiro learns that the Blade of Kamui he has inherited from his father holds the key to his past… and will control his future.  Will he win the battle with the evil warlord or will he face the same fate as others before him?

But what I ended up watching turned out to be a real treat.  Sure, there was a lot of ridiculous stuff and some piss poor dub acting, but this flick turned out to be the buried gem I’d been hoping to find (and I really, really, REALLY hoped Miss China’s Ring would be that gem).

I’d love to point out every single thing wrong with that summary, but the truth should be made clear with the review.

There is a LOT to this movie, so it’s in my best interest to start things off right now.  Here’s The Blade of Kamui.

The film starts out with some narration about Mt. Kamuinupri and the wind that comes from it (“the Kamui wind”) possibly being good or bad luck… This comes up multiple times but is never relevant in the course of the film, so let’s ignore it.

A ninja charges into a house and kills an old woman and her daughter.  Tough guy.  Some time later, a boy, Jiro enters to find his sister and mother dead.  Then, like an idiot, he picks up the dagger used to kill them.

Some villagers arrive and come to the BRILLIANT deduction that the child killed his own family and give chase.  Along the way, a gigantic monk who calls himself Tenkai informs Jiro that he knows he is innocent, and that the person who killed his family is a ninja.

Tenkai leads Jiro to where his men have cornered the ninja.

Oh, but during the battle, one of the ninja’s opponents taunts him, talking about how they know he had a son who was raised by a foster family.  And the ninja, now armed with this knowledge, sees Jiro and distractingly moves toward him while taking a beating from his foes.  WELL.

Tenkai gives Jiro the opportunity to take revenge for his family, and he does so by stabbing the ninja in the gut.

Not one to let his victim talk (or, possibly because he wants to kill steal from a little kid), Tenkai finishes the ninja off.

With nowhere left to go, Jiro is offered a chance to train in the art of the ninja.  Also, Tenkai promises to help Jiro find out who his birth parents are, and that he suspects Jiro’s true father could be a ninja.  Not that there’s any reason to believe this, but Jiro just rolls with it.

Jiro is introduced to Shingo, who helps Jiro train.  And what follows is NOT the montage one would hope, but still a transitional scene that plays the role of a montage.  Also, at this point I should point out how AWESOME FUNKY the soundtrack is.

Goddamn, you just can’t get tired of that.

Anyway, Jiro is finally deemed ready to seek out his parents.  Immediately after Jiro is sent off for this task, Tenkai sends Shingo off to attack Jiro because… Tenkai’s an asshole.

Jiro comes across a boy begging a couple of thugs to stop attacking his father.  Not that we’re given any reason as to why they’re attacking his father.  Jiro comes to save the day.

Scratch that; the old man’s already been beaten to death.  Oh, and the thugs were sent by Shingo as part of a plan to have Jiro follow the boy to the right village.  Maybe if they just sent Jiro to that village directly, they wouldn’t have to go with this convoluted plan.  But hey… Tenkai’s an asshole.

The boy leads Jiro to the village of Kotan, where the elder recognizes Jiro’s dagger and tells him of its rightful owner, Oyaruru, who lives just outside the village.

When Jiro discovers her, she immediately recognizes him as her son.  Oh hey, birth mother GET!

Jiro’s birth mother tells him that his father’s name was Tarouza.  Oh, and that Tenkai was in love with her, was after a treasure that Tarouza may or may not have discovered, and described how Tenkai forced Oyaruru to watch as Tarouza was killed.  Oh, and her exact description of Tarouza’s death matches a certain familiar incident.  Yeeeeeep, Jiro just found out that he helped kill his own father.  But hey, at least you didn’t accidentally marry and sleep with your own mother!  That would’ve been awkward.

Jiro understandably gets depressed and cries in his mother’s arms.  But while he’s doing this, Shingo sneaks in and slips some powder into their dinner.  But!  It’s not poison!

No, it was just something that makes Jiro and Oyaruru trip out and fall to the floor powerless, but conscious.  That way, Jiro can watch as Shingo stabs Oyaruru in front of him.

Oh, and Jiro gets the blame for killing his mother.  HERE WE GO AGAIN!

The kid from earlier helps Jiro escape, but now Jiro is completely focused on revenge.  Gets a bit tricky when Shingo’s subordinates are around to give him trouble.  But first, Jiro visits his father’s grave and takes the belongings buried with him.  Included is one of the first clues toward the treasure Tarouza was tracking down… but it’s a little difficult to understand…

One of Shingo’s subordinates reports to Shingo that Jiro has been defeated.  Oh wait, that guy was a walking corpse being manipulated by Jiro.  Surprise, sucka!

Jiro forces Shingo to explain why he’s being hunted down and what Tenkai’s intentions are.  Once Jiro has learned enough, he decides to let Shingo know that the water Shingo drank just before Jiro revealed himself was poisoned.  Haha, you were expecting a duel?

In seemingly no time at all, Jiro tracks down Tenkai and kills some of his nameless mooks, then runs away.  Jiro gets tied up and gets some shruiken thrown into his back.

Wait, scratch that; it’s only Shingo’s corpse acting as a decoy.

The only female ninja on Tenkai’s team manages to catch up to the fleeing Jiro and gives him a taste of her illusionary techniques, splitting into two images when he slashes at her.

Alas, Female Ninja is all hype, no followthrough, as Jiro casually repels her attack and runs away.  But not before she slashes one of Jiro’s bags, and the clue to the treasure along with it.

Some time later, Jiro finds himself in a snowy village and meets some new allies.

That is, he wakes up in the snowy village after apparently collapsing somewhere.  Jiro tells the old man who saved him his story, and the old man agrees to help solve the mystery behind the treasure.  Luckily, Jiro made a crude copy of the message, and the old man for some reason is capable of reading English.  But they also discover there were more papers hidden in the Kamui dagger… and one of them is a map.

The old man instantly recognizes the map as a map of America.  He also tells Jiro he can get there if he travels north into Russia and walks across an ice bridge into Alaska.  Holy shit, old man.  Holy shit.

To prepare for the journey, the old man gives Jiro a couple of SACKS OF GOLD.  BEST OLD MAN EVER.

And then he dies.  Whoops.  He got taken down by one of Tenkai’s Three Devil Ninja.

The Devil Ninja easily overpowers Jiro with his hallucinogenic attacks, but a kunai hits Jiro out of nowhere, allowing him to snap out of his daze and counter the Devil Ninja.  Jiro then makes his escape.

Tenkai arrives and questions the little girl about where Jiro is headed.  The girl responds by STABBING HERSELF WITH A SHURIKEN, HOLY SHIT GIRL, WHY ARE YOU HARDCORE?

Jiro makes his way to Russia, I guess, and he comes across a big black man being attacked by a mob of people.  I assume because big black men are not to be trusted.  Naturally, Jiro saves him.  His name is Sam.

Sam helps Jiro get aboard a ship called the California, but they are pursued by the Female Ninja… who fails spectacularly.

Jiro offers the captain gold in order to board the ship, and the captain agrees.  When asked what to do about the Female Ninja, Jiro says to throw her overboard… which the captain disagrees to because he’s responsible for the lives of everyone aboard his ship.  Apparently, she doesn’t need to pay any gold.

Shortly into the voyage, Jiro finds out the Female Ninja is sick, and nurses her back to health.  Then some deckhands decide to attack Jiro for his gold, but Jiro kicks their asses.  The captain calls Jiro in to apologize for what he did to his men, not believing that he was just defending himself.  So he orders Jiro to be let off the ship as soon as possible.  Sam says if Jiro is forced to leave, then he will leave as well.  Unfortunately, the captain owns Sam.  Literally.  Sam is his slave.  So Jiro uses his gold to buy Sam.  Thus, Jiro, Sam, and the Female Ninja (who she reveals is named Oyuki) get off the ship and travel along the frozen wastes.

When the group arrives at a village, they spot Tenkai.  Jiro decides it’s time to part ways and gives the rest of his gold to Sam, then knocks Oyuki out to be found by Tenkai.  Because… Jiro’s kind of an idiot.

Tenkai gives Oyuki one final chance to kill Jiro.  He also gives her a gun.  Because… he has one of those.

Oyuki battles Jiro by blindly shooting into the air, causing an avalanche, separating everyone in the area.  However, she is found by Sam, who encourages Oyuki to survive rather than return to Tenkai and face certain death.

The scene then shifts, and, I shit you not, the narrator says “one year later in the Nevada desert…”

So, Jiro’s still alive, and he made it to the west coast.  Meanwhile, an Indian girl is bathing alone.  GEE, I WONDER WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?

Two cowboys randomly show up and try to rape her.  Jiro shows up, knocks them out, and collapses.

The girl leads Jiro to her village, and Jiro has a smoke and a conversation with the chief, who apparently knows perfect Japanese.  Or… whatever.

Randomly, he decides to also tell Jiro that the girl, Chico, is not his real daughter; she’s French.  Okay then.

Jiro says he’s looking for an island called Santa Catalina, but the chief only knows of a bar by that name.  Oh Japan and your stereotypes…

Jiro and Chico head to the Santa Catalina bar and inquire about the island, but he gets interrupted by the same two cowboy rapists from earlier and challenged to a duel, presumably at high noon.

Jiro beats the both of them without using the gun they give him.

Rather than stay and ask questions, the two walk off to… nowhere in particular.  But then they are approached by a man on a horse.

Wait.

WAIT.  Don’t tell me…

Yes.

YES.

YES!

YES!

MARK FUCKING TWAIN.

That’s it.  Call it in.  We’re not topping this moment.

Anyway, Mark Twain hears Jiro’s story, then tells Jiro about the story of Captain Kidd, who possibly buried a treasure on Santa Catalina Island worth $20 million.  And then he tells him exactly where Santa Catalina Island is.

Jiro heads toward Santa Catalina on his own.  When Chico returns to her village, the chief decides now is the perfect time to give Chico the belongings of her dead mother.

Meanwhile, Oyuki is still alive and searching for Jiro.  Tenkai finds her instead.

Jiro manages to decode the clues he’s collected up to now and reveals the location of the buried treasure of Captain Kidd.

With the treasure finally discovered, Tenkai appears to lay claim to what he has been searching for all these years.  Oh, and he reveals that minor character Sanbei had been aiding Jiro and was the one who threw the kunai that saved him during the fight against the Devil Ninja.  So if he wants to save Sanbei’s life, he’ll give up the treasure.

And while he’s on a roll, he goes and mentions that Oyuki is actually Jiro’s half sister from a different mother.  Tenkai knew this the whole time and kept her alive so he could push her to kill her own half brother.

Asshole.

Naturally, Oyuki decides to turn against Tenkai and has her most badass moment in the entire film, using her illusionary technique to stab Tenkai in the gut.

And then Tenkai stabs her entire body with his freaking staff sword.

 

Jiro doesn’t have long to mourn as suddenly, Chico shows up… but apparently not to help prevent him from meeting the same virgin death as his sister.

Chico informs Jiro that her true name is Julie.  And that her father was a secret agent.  And that her parents were looking for Kidd’s treasure.  And that her father WAS KILLED BY TENKAI.  But here’s the real kicker: HER FATHER SHOT AND KILLED TENKAI BEFORE DYING.  Impossible?  No.  Sanbei tells Jiro that Tenkei employs doubles.  Turns out the real Tenkai is still alive.

By the way, Sam is back, and he helped purchase a steam ship with the treasure.  And the captain of that ship?  The same captain from before.  Imagine that… Jiro’s managed to collect a group of allies who won’t die on him.

Jiro and crew return to Japan and begin preparations to defeat Tenkai.  He attempts to hire ninjas to help assassinate Tenkai, but Tenkai has already hired most of the available ninjas to help him.  The leader of the Iga ninja agrees to lend what forces he has available, offering eight ninja as escorts to retrieve Jiro’s gold and return with the payment.  When Jiro returns, it is revealed the eight ninja were killed and replaced by Tenkai’s ninjas.  But the ambush fails when eight more Iga appear to aid Jiro.  In the ensuing battle, Tenkai’s ninja are killed, but so is the Iga leader.  Who also just happens to be Tarouza’s father, making him Jiro’s grandfather.  Lesson learned?  DON’T BE RELATED TO JIRO.

Jiro and his allies systematically destroy Tenkai’s forces, but pretty much all of his eight elite ninjas die offscreen.

Finally, the final battle between Jiro and Tenkai begins.

Final battle music!

Some of the film’s best animation occurs during the duel, as it should be.

The battle is intense, but short.  Jiro delivers the final blow: a high leap followed by a falling stab… dead center through Tenkai’s skull.

After Tenkai’s defeat, Jiro meets up with Sanbei, who introduces Jiro to a man who, for some reason, reminds him of Tenkai.  But it very clearly is not Tenkai in any way shape or form, making the comparison both mystifying and pointless.

Oh, and Jiro walks across the grass for a long time while I assume credits are supposed to be playing.  They do in the Japanese version, but apparently this dub took the Japanese credits out and… did not put their own English credits in.  I assume out of shame.

Epicness: 10
For once, the word “epic” actually applies in a true sense.  The last time I watched a standalone movie that compares to this is the Galaxy Express 999 movie, which actually IS about a boy on a faraway planet.

Pleasure Rating: Damn Good Watch
Seriously good watch.  Why no glass case rating?  Well, stickers aside… Do I have to bring up the VHS box again?  It’s probably worth repurchasing on DVD, but from what I understand, the DVD does not have a dub.  Which is an acceptable sacrifice, but hey… it exists.

Rewatchability: 4
The only thing it has against it is its sheer length.  Just a little over two hours isn’t too bad, actually, but there are a lot of slow moments.  Still, it’s quite possibly the best ninja anime I recall watching.  It still confuses me that Ninja Scroll got really popular in the late 90’s while Kamui is buried in obscurity.

Music: FUNKAY

Marketability: 2
All pros aside, the characters don’t have particularly great designs, with perhaps the sole exception being Shingo.  Oyuki has her moments, I suppose, but the less said about Tenkai, the better.  I personally would love-love-love to have a cel of MARK FUCKING TWAIN.  And of course, dat soundtrack.

The Blade of Kamui is also known as The Dagger of Kamui, and that’s what you should look for if you want the DVD.  From what I understand, two English dubs were made of Kamui.  One is called The Blade of Kamui, and is uncut.  Another has 20 minutes cut from the film and goes by the name Revenge of the Ninja Warrior.  I have read a “theory” that Revenge of the Ninja Warrior is the version that confusingly changed the movie into taking place in another planet and all that other VHS box nonsense, but if that’s the case, why are these blurbs on the Blade of Kamui version?  If this is a redub, then they knew damn well the previous dub was trash, so why market it as if it’s the old one?  Utterly confounding.  And by the way, BOTH dub versions are out of print, meaning the only reasonably accessible version of Kamui is the AnimEigo sub.  Which is not a bad deal at all.

As of now, I still don’t know what the story is behind this other version.  I may want to buy the Revenge of the Ninja Warrior version just to be sure.  Part of me thinks it’s just the same dub, only marketed to make it more attractive to kids (because idiots).  Might be worth a lark if I ever see it in the bargain bins for a buck, but I’m not gonna go hunting for it online.

Bottom line, this movie is seriously worth watching, and I’m sorry I had to spoil it for you.  It is so.  Damn.  Mark Twaining. GOOD.  The animation can be off from time to time and a shitload of revelations just come off as asspulls, but it’s still a quality effort.