Awwwww yeah, it’s Hentai Hump-Day!

This week, it’s time to take a good hard look at Boku no Pico.

Awwww yeah, we got double .gif action!  Aaaaaand now I ship Pico x Luvriel.  SHUT UP!  IT CAN HAPPEN!

Yes, yes, we all know Boku no Pico is an infamous trap anime.  But I remember watching it a long time ago and thinking it wasn’t that bad.  Now morally?  Yeah, pretty fucking terrible.  But I’m a connoisseur of vintage loli content, and it would make me a damn hypocrite if I held that against Boku no Pico.  Anyway, that was in the past, and I mostly skimmed through it.  Let’s see how well it stands up to a thorough viewing.

Just so you know, I’m typing this up and taking screenshots as I’m watching.  So everything you read is my immediate and raw reaction with know knowledge of what happens later in the episode.

We start off with a rather catchy, almost cute opening (with IMO terrible, terrible singing).  I couldn’t find the opening on Youtube (presumably because penis) but the ending (which uses the same song) is up, so… have a listen.

Ha~penis!

Anyway, before we go into the episode itself, I wanna point out that the first OVA was released September 7, 2006.  That’s the day I turned 20.  Not sure how relevant that is, but who knows?  Maybe we’ll be surprised.

So, on to the episode!

We immediately start off with guy-on-guy sexy times.  It’s funny because we see a bra on the floor.  The ensuing sex scene would have been a nice bait-and-switch if not for the opening sequence clearly showing that the kid has a penis.  Speaking of said sex scene, it involves putting an ice cube in a young boy’s anus.  Classy.

This scene appears to be in media res, as we immediately flash back to the older man (Tamotsu) in his first encounter with Pico.  And I have to say, whoever does Tamotsu’s voice delivers probably one of the most bored and lifeless performances I’ve ever heard.  After looking past some nice-assed chicks on the beach, he uses one of those sightseeing binoculars and catches a glimpse of a nude Pico.  cleaning his shirt on some rocks.  The binoculars time out, and when he pays for more time, Pico is gone.  It seems he’s lost an opportunity, but he later encounters Pico working at a nearby restaurant.  He’s introduced as the owner’s grandson, so he knows Pico is a guy.  Presumably, that’s just what he’s into.

The old man basically tells the two to spend more time together because Pico has no friends and Tamotsu “probably has a lot of time on his hands.”  That’s all the setup we get for these two starting a friendship and hanging out all the time.  In what seems like no time at all, Tamotsu gets Pico into his car and kisses him.  Then undresses him.  And that’s when he notices penis.  He pauses, and it’s at this point I’m wondering if there was a mistranslation and he was under the impression that Pico was a girl.  I mean, an underage girl, so it’s still sleazy as fuck, but still.  But then he starts playing with the shaft, so I’m just going to assume it dawned upon him that he was preying on a naive kid.  Whatever the case, the thought soon leaves his mind, he starts sucking Pico off.  And Pico shoots off right into the roof of Tamotsu’s new car.

So… Pico and Tamotsu are pretty much officially in a relationship.  Pico even leaves the restaurant to go on a date with Tamotsu right in front of Pico’s grandfather, and the old man’s totally okay with it… presumably because he’s stoned out of his mind 24/7.

It rains during their date, so they head over to Tamotsu’s apartment, where he gives Pico some girls’ clothes he bought for him.

You can pretty much guess where this scene goes, but the important thing is Pico loses his anal virginity.

So we’ve already gone through three sex scenes at this point, and we still don’t know a damn thing about either Pico or Tamotsu’s characters.  Tamotsu just seems to have an interest in underage boys (and maybe girls; again, it isn’t clear what it is about Pico he likes), and Pico is a lonely boy who isn’t averse to crossdressing for the man he loves.

When Tamotsu can’t come up with an answer, Pico runs away.

Wow.  That’s the first sensible thing Pico’s done so far.

So, Tamotsu’s driving around trying to find Pico while Pico is… somewhere… dramatically cutting his hair.  Pico isn’t even at the restaurant, where we see Pico’s grandfather still just standing there smoking without any visible concern whatsoever.  WHO THE FUCK IS THIS OLD MAN?!  He’s just… chill about everything.

When we next see Pico, he’s sporting boys’ clothes and a boys’ haircut.  Tamotsu finds him and Pico asks why he came for him.  Pico’s angry at Tamotsu and seems to have something to say about their relationship… but apparently, the magic words are “let’s return home” and all is forgiven.  Which means now we’ll never know what exactly was there to forgive.

So, we get another sex scene, this time on the beach at night.

This relationship makes no fucking sense.

The next scene is of Pico in bed (wha?) and smiling at the camera.  And… that’s the end.  Were… were we supposed to be emotionally invested in ANY of that?  All this was was cliched transitional scenes to string us between sex scenes.  Well, whatever.  It’s hardly the first mediocre hentai to float by on its fetish alone.  Though it seems to be a very specific fetish.

I have to say, I don’t remember watching any of this.  It was probably a later episode or a spinoff.  But I have no interest in guesswork.  WE’RE MOVING ON TO EPISODE 2!

But before that, I just want to randomly share that the first time I heard of the term “shotacon” was while watching Haunted Junction.

The redhead priestess had a thing for little boys.  It was amusing.  The anime itself was really wacky and out there, but ultimately forgettable.  That too was a mediocre anime that got by on a gimmick.  I assume.  No one ever talks about it, and I can only assume barely anyone ever watched it.  Otherwise, we’d get more people pointing out how much the intro to the full version of the opening’s song sounds like Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.”

Sorry, I just REALLY needed a reason to talk about Haunted Junction.

Anyway, I just looked at some related links and someone DID upload the opening to Boku no Pico, penises and all.  Upload date is February 27, 2015.  Surprised it’s still up, actually.

Episode 2!

We have a new opening (that isn’t nearly as catchy, so I won’t link to it even if I could find a non-penis version on Youtube) that includes a new character who looks suspiciously like Negi Springfield.

So, first question: Where the hell is Tamotsu?

The episode doesn’t seem to care, as our first shot is of New Boy (Chico) swimming nude in a creek.  Pico is there too, and I assume they fall in love the way Pico always does: randomly and at first sight.

Chico invites Pico over and introduces him to his older sister, who is totally hot.

Pico and Chico immediately start hanging out and do friend stuff like… throwing hay at each other in the nude and sleeping on tree branches nude.  Yeah, I totally remember doing that kind of stuff with my friends when I was 10.  It’s perfectly normal.

At night, Chico brings Pico over to his room in the attic and shows him a crack in the floor.  Chico uses it to regularly peek on his sister pleasuring herself with a banana.

Seems Chico peeks because it’s fun, but has no understanding of sex.  But Pico doe-OHHHHHH, CRAP!

Tamotsu, this is on you.

So yeah, Pico shows Chico what to do with a penis while Big Sis is still down there going at it with that banana.  And she can fit the whole damn thing in there.  That’s just impressive.

I want to point out I’m not skipping through ANY sex scenes at all.  Pico starts out jerking Chico off, then licks on his nipples briefly before sucking him off while jerking himself off.  Chico eventually comes a huge amount for a kid that’s YOUNGER than Pico.  Goddamn.

So, time for another pointless “hanging out / date” scene.  And somehow Chico can do this:

The date is predictably brief, and they head into the nearby barn to suck each other off.  And then introduces Chico to anal.

Anyway, Pico and Chico hang out at Chico’s house, and Chico’s sis STILL hasn’t asked about Pico’s parents (though I think we can assume she called Pico’s grandfather and he was totally chill about him staying there).  Big Sis has to do some errands and asks the two to look after the house, fulfilling our irresponsible adult quota.

The two get into big sis’s closet and play dressup (and we learn Big Sis has a maid uniform for some reason).  This might just be the most normal thing they’ve done together.  Of course, they end up making out on Big Sis’ couch and play with her vibrators.  They don’t get around to this until nightfall, which makes me wonder what the hell’s taking her so long.  I’m also hoping she catches them in the act.  but nah, that ain’t happening.

W-WAIT, WHAT?

Noooope.  Big Sis decides to masturbate, illustrating which audience this series was made for.

That’s right, Big Sis.  Just keep rubbing yourself while your little brother is being sodomized by a boy who has your vibrator in his anus.

So uh… nothing really happens after that last sex scene.  We just see Pico sitting on a tree branch and smile at the camera before cutting to the ending credits.  Okay…?

So that’s the end of episode 2.  At this point I look up Boku no Pico on Wikipedia and learn that the old man is in fact TAMOTSU’s grandfather, not Pico’s.  So when Tamotsu went after Pico, he thought Pico was a girl… then decided to keep going after getting a facefull of penis.  Hey, as long as that confusion is cleared up.

Anyway, with that in mind, I can only guess that since Tamotsu was only staying for the summer, that he left and ended his relationship with Pico.  I mean, it was either that or him getting offscreen arrested for pedophilia.

Time for episode 3!

Episode 2 was titled Pico to Chico.  This is PicoxCoCoxChico.  So the new boy is CoCo, who is the most trap-worthy one yet.

In comparison, there’s never any ambiguity with Chico.  You always know he’s a boy.  He’s just the youngest one.

Also, I think this is the one episode I watched (well, skimmed) a few years ago.

The new opening still isn’t as catchy as the first, but I rather like it.

Hm… that one might actually have had some penis in it.  Well, it was self-censored and recorded by a potato, so it should be okay… right?

This time, the episode doesn’t even bother with showing us how Pico meets CoCo.  We see them sitting together, CoCo says “Pico, you’re so cute,” and CoCo kisses him.

Oh, we’re doing the in media res thing from the first episode.  The episode starts proper with Pico on the phone trying to find Chico.  During a blackout, he sees CoCo remove his dress and dive into a pool.  What is it with Pico and these nude encounters near bodies of water?

The next scene is a totally pointless transition of CoCo half-transparent and walking to the left while the background changes to various city backgrounds.

CoCo meets with Pico and Chico by chance at a nearby game center.  CoCo invites the two to her house, which is in a subway tunnel for some reason.  The two stay the night (which is… at least twice as weird as when Pico stayed at Chico’s), and Pico peeks in on CoCo masturbating.  Oh, and Pico learns that CoCo is in fact a boy.  Imagine that.  No really, it means something when PICO is shocked that someone’s a guy.

Naturally, sexy funtimes happen.

And I’ll say it outright.  CoCo legit confuses my dick.

The next scene has Chico checking out some of the tomatoes CoCo is I assume magically growing in a subway.  And he’s doing it with his overalls down because… hell, I wonder if Chico even remembers how to do things with his clothes on.

Next we have the trio playing dressup with CoCo’s clothes.  I assume CoCo stole them because, let’s face it: he’s squatting in a subway tunnel.  CoCo then guides them through Tokyo and tells them a bunch of urban legends, including one about fairies existing in the city, and that fairies show up at Tokyo Tower when it lights up.

Pico and CoCo break away while Chico is busy trying to get a kappa doll from a crane game, and… well, you can guess what they do together.  Though this time it’s in the most public place yet: on a rooftop in daylight… next to kid rides (though with no one riding the rides.  This means a ride operator is still up there testing the ride, BTW).

Later that night, Pico peeks in on CoCo having his way with Chico.  But Pico turns away after a few seconds.  Because relationship drama.  The next day, Pico wants to distance himself from CoCo and Chico (not that he has any reason to be pissy considering his track record), but CoCo seems to see what’s going on and pairs Pico with Chico and walks off.  They chase after CoCo and end up at CoCo’s subway house, which is now completely empty.  They conclude that CoCo may in fact be a fairy… which honestly explains EVERYTHING.  So they head to the observatory deck of Tokyo Tower and find CoCo there, and they have a threesome.  And bring light to the city, I guess.

So it’s basically a retread of the first episode, just with three boys and possibly magic.

The episode ends with… well, guess.

Pico looks to the camera, asks if we’ll see each other again, then winks.  End credits.

Gotta say, that didn’t seem familiar either.

Y’know what?  I think I might have never watched Boku no Pico.  I was probably thinking of Natsuyasumi.

No, I don’t think I’ll be reviewing Natsuyasumi anytime in the near future.

Emotion: 1
You can tell what they wanted to go for with some scenes, but when you get down to it, it’s damn near impossible to form enough emotional connection to the characters to give a damn.  The first and third episodes came close but ultimately refused to pull the trigger.

Wankability: Surprisingly Respectable

Pleasure Rating: Guilty Pleasure
Hey, it’s cringe-worthy at times, but downright hilarious at others.  Plus those opening songs.

Rewatchability: 2

Music: Catchy Theme Song

Marketability: 2
The series may be infamous for its gimmick, but the story is crap, and the character designs are painfully generic.  It really has nothing to fall back on aside from being “that one trap hentai.”

Overall, Boku no Pico isn’t something I consider actively bad.  It mostly rides on its reputation as a trap anime, and it’s rather amusing at times.  Its primary flaw is that it isn’t anything more than that.  It seems to have a skeleton  outline for potential drama but never actually fills it out with anything of substance.  If you take the trap thing out of the equation, it would just be a boring, directionless hentai about casual sex between minors (and one sick adult).

Looking forward to potential crossover spinoff Boku no Pico Academia.

Next week… I’m not too sure.  I’m leaning towards a feature on the fantasy dungeon subgenre.  Let me know if anything on my list stands out as interesting.