I’m sure you’ve noticed my general disdain for C’s Ware.  Well, here’s the game that started it: Fatal Relations.

Fatal Relations was first developed in 1993, three years before Love Potion and Glo-Ri-A.  Huh… How about that?  Glo-Ri-A was made at around the same time as Love Potion, so why is it so much better?  Well, at least this time discrepancy gives Fatal Relations an excuse for being so crappy.

Love Potion is very much in the same mold as Fatal Relations: crappy one-color backgrounds, linear-as-fuck story, forced choices all over the place, and ugly women.

You “play” as Ken, a young man who just lost his parents and got adopted into the rich Hayami family.  Again, this is before Gloria.  The first person you meet is the maid, Sayori.  AGAIN, this is BEFORE Gloria.

Ken briefly wonders if Sayori might be one of the daughters.  But no.  She is in fact just a maid.  And now I wonder if they were working on Gloria this early.

You are then introduced to the head of the household, Reiko Hayami.

THAT’S A MAN, BABY!

Yeah, so far, Michelle Gloria is the only tolerable-looking “older woman” type in any of the C’s Ware games I’ve reviewed.  Reiko is just… an abomination.  It can’t be just me that thinks it takes VERY little imagination to see her as a guy.  Hell, just LOOK at how big her hand is, for starters!

After the meeting, you’re back in the lobby and talk to Sayori.  You are given three options: ask about the house, ask about Sayori, and have no questions.  You probably guessed it: if you say “no questions,” Ken will think “I should probably ask Sayori questions while I can.”  Because fuck choices.

You now get to meet the five Hayami sisters (as they will now be Ken’s sisters from now on) in any order.  It doesn’t matter who you talk to first.  Don’t even consider the idea that there might be affection levels in this game.  Because I’m sure C’s Ware’s stellar storytelling is a more captivating choice compared to that generic stuff you’re used to.  Right?  Riiiiiiiiight?

Anyway, the first daughter I talked to was Aki.

Aya looks a LOT like Yu Himehagi from Geobreeders, though that’s almost assuredly coincidence.  I just wanted to point it out.

Oh, and she’s an athlete, I guess.  Yeah, prepare yourself for shallow introductions.

Next up is the loli-type that doesn’t look like a loli, Miyuki.

Blah blah blah immature, blah blah blah, next!

The oldest sister is Reika.  Get it?  Reiko?  Reika?  Clever.

Reika’s cold and has a harsh personality.  Nice rack, though.

Next up is Shizune, the… hmm… I guess she’s the “nice” one?  Or the most “princess-like.”

Finally, we’ve got the nerd of the group, Yuko.

Yuko’s rude.  And brainy.  Yeah.

After meeting all the sisters (and talking to Mrs. Hayami again), you’re finally allowed to go to your own room and go to sleep.

Predictably, Ken awakens to a nice surprise from the maid.

The next day, you visit every girl’s room and find they’re completely empty.

Everyone’s at school or work, so you figure you should start studying and prepare yourself for university.  Just then, you hear a pot break.  While investigating the pot, you hear whipping sounds.  *sigh*  Okaaaaaaay… what’s causing the whipping sound?

Yep, it’s Reiko punishing Sayori.  I’m sooooo surprised.

You get invited, you’re forced to reject and leave, you come back downstairs and cheer Sayori up, and you move on to the next event.

From now on, the goal of the game is to keep entering rooms until you unlock the next event.  In this case, the next event for me was massaging Reika.  Now remember, you’ve known Reika less than a day, and she’s been nothing but cold and rude to you.  In your second encounter with her, she very rudely strips nude and asks that you massage her legs.  And then sex happens.  That… escalated quickly.

You waste time checking out the other rooms and end up in Mrs. Hayami’s room.  And then sex happens.  *shudder*

You returns to your room and have a lot to process.  Sayori shows up and tries to cheer to cheer you up.  And then sex happens.

You go to sleep, have a dream about women taking advantage of you, then wake up to Sayori doing what Sayori does best.

Next event is with Aya.  It starts off with a strangely normal conversation about studying, but then turns into an arm wrestling match.  Aya foolishly put her body on the line and refuses to accept winning when you try to throw the game.  Putting in actual effort results in winning the match and sex happening.

The sex involves anilingus, and no amount of cheesecake editing is going to make that right.

Next event is with Yuko.  She gives you a quiz, and if you’re wrong… you get another shot, so there’s no way you lose.  Also, this is an actual question:

Okay, obviously the movie reference is Pulp Fiction, not friction.  And that’s not even a mistranslation; the actual question in Japanese had to do with Oda Nobunaga and Akechi Mitsuhide.  But the answer is just some stupid explanation about the shooter either being a bad shot or the miracle being due to averages or divine intervention; basically, it can’t be explained.  It’s bullshit is what I’m trying to say, but Yuko is impressed.  Once you’ve answered all her questions correctly, sex happens.

You go back to your room and feel bad about what happened (even though the Yuko scene seemed relatively sane… y’know, compared to the others) and have a shower.  With Sayori.  While having sex with her.  Because, y’know… having sex is a great way to cheer yourself up when you’re depressed about having sex.

You go to sleep, wake up to a Sayori special, then move on to the next event.  This time it’s with Shizune.  She’s sick and wants to chat.  So far, so good.  The two of you start chatting, and she feels better and chuckles.  Then it’s revealed she has the dreaded fainting disease that afflicts many an anime girl.  If she gets too excited, she gets weak and sweats.  Shizune asks you to take her clothes off so she doesn’t ruin them.  Then her underwear, just because.  Then… just start groping her because… that… uh… hm… It’s opposite day?

Afterwards, you just leave her on the bed and… not worry about asking anyone for assistance with her obviously serious condition.

Finally, it’s time for Miyuki’s scene.  She wants to play, and you explain she hasn’t been in her room each time you went to visit her.  But now she is, and she decides to play the game you played with the other sisters.

Upon realizing that he’s had sex with everyone in the household, Ken wonders what he should do.  At first he thinks he should talk to Shizune about his troubles, but figures someone with more experience would be better.  Which means Mrs. Hayami.  Not the best judge of character, Ken.  Anyway, Mrs. Hayami outright says everyone in the house is a little out of their mind, and Ken realizes that includes him.  He starts to go half Deadpool and argues with a voice in his head.  Then he starts cackling like a madman.

Whelp.

One month later…

You have to hunt down the next event.  GAAAAAAH!  I was kinda hoping we would just get a collage of sex scenes like “Well, we just sorta passed the days screwing around like this and this and this…”

Ken enters every room and finds no one.  Then he spots Aya and Yuko arguing in the main lobby.  Sayori asks you to help solve their problems.  Ken enters Yuko’s room and hides when he hears someone coming.  It seems Miyuki is on Yuko’s side and makes fun of Aya.  Oh, and they fool around with each other.  With a double-ended vibrator.

Annoyingly, you have to re-enter Yuko’s empty room before you can trigger the next scene: Reika giving an enema to Shizune.

Next scene is in Aya’s room.  Miyuki seems to be on Aya’s side, meaning she plays both sides.  And by that, I also mean she uses a double-ended strap-on with Aya.

Ken goes back to his room and wonders why he doesn’t just leave this crazy-ass house.  Then he goes to sleep, Sayori happens, he visits Mrs. Hayami, sex happens, and he goes to Yuko’s room, where the argument continues.  As you may have guessed, they’re arguing over you.  As you also may have guessed, there’s only one way to settle this.  No, not by picking a girl you like more; you’re given no choice but to say you like them equally even though Yuko is the clear superior choice.  I meant this:

Ken goes back to his room, steps out, sees Shizune, says he loves her (even though he doesn’t mean it), and sex happens.  At this point, he’s being an asshole instead of being a victim.

Hey, speaking of assholes: Miyuki.  She wants it in the ass.  So you oblige.  Then she screams for help because she’s a little manipulative bitch.  Shizune barges in and “rescues” Miyuki.

Next scene is with Reika.  “I heard you fucked Miyuki in the ass.” “I didn’t.”  “Wanna fuck?”  Okay, that’s not EXACTLY how the conversation went, but it’s really not that far off.  It’s at this point Ken makes his most important realization:

So Ken goes into Yuko’s room, says “Hey, wanna fuck?  If you don’t want to, I’ll just fuck someone else,” and Yuko goes “No, no, I totally want your cock,” and sex happens.  Again, not verbatim, but not far off.  Same thing happens with Aya.

He tries the same treatment on Sayori, but she tells him he hasn’t completely lost himself yet.  Ken agrees and decides he’s going to change things in the house.  But then he sees Sayori being punished by Mrs. Hayami, and Sayori acts like a huge slut.  Ken loses faith in him, but later realizes deep down Sayori isn’t like the others and is only being forced to perform these acts by Mrs. Hayami.  He declares his love for her, she breaks down, and she spills the beans on her entire backstory.  Out of freaking nowhere.  Well, let’s hear it…

Mrs. Hayami bankrupted her father’s company, and she was sold into the Hayami household.

Huh.  That didn’t take long.  What a terrible fucking payoff.

The next day, Ken tries to fix things again.  Naturally, he gets interrupted again.  This time, Aya gets injured when a weight falls on her.  Then, Yuko gets pushed down a flight of stairs.  All signs point to Miyuki.  Ken eventually corners Miyuki, and she pretty much admits to doing it to get Ken and is unapologetic.  Shizune overhears this and turns on Miyuki.  A family meeting is held with Miyuki as the subject.  She turns the tables on the whole thing and points out that Ken and Sayori love each other, pitting EVERYONE against Sayori.  Also, Sayori may or may not have been lying about the whole backstory thing.

Ken notices Shizune has left the room, however, and he finds her in her bathroom with her wrist cut open.  Shizune is saved, but everyone is still fucking crazy.

Ken suggests he and Sayori run away, but Mrs. Hayami traps them at shotgunpoint.  That’s… that’s a word, right?

Mrs. Hayami traps you and Sayori in her hidden room and reveals you were brought in to provide seed.  Not because you were some kind of chosen one or because of any sort of genetic defect in the family.  Just because.  Oh, and she’s still salty over her husband running away with the previous maid.  Turns out, Mr. Hayami?  Not so big on the whole crazy bitch thing.

Ken frees Sayori, but Hayami is too quick.  Shizune steps in the way and takes the shotgun blast, then Miyuki holds Mrs. Hayami back while the mansion burns… because Miyuki set fire to the fucking place.  As for the other girls?  Yeah, none of ’em survived.  Ken promises to protect Sayori for the rest of her life, even though he’s still not sure if he can trust her.

By the way, the burning mansion ending?  VERY prevalent in quite a few hentai anime and games.  And they’re all just a ripoff of the ending of Jane Eyre.  Or Fall of the House of Usher, but I feel Jane Eyre has a lot more in common with anime in general.

Anyway, since I seem to be on a roll, next week I might as well continue C’s Ware reviews with Divi-Dead.