I want to put it out there that this is not my first choice this week.  I planned to watch Jackie Chan’s “Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow.”  Unfortunately, the tape quality was apparently so poor that my tuner couldn’t pick it up.  I moved to my backup, Psychic Wars, which was produced decades later.  I had the same problem, though I imagine it was because it was so crappy, my tuner refused to pick it up.

So instead, I skipped to a tape that DID work, Kia Asamiya’s Silent Mobius.

I’ve been a somewhat distant fan of Kia Asamiya ever since I read Steam Detectives in Animerica Extra, so I actually dove into this with relatively high expectations.  Expectations I dashed once I looked at the back of the case and noticed this was a Streamline Pictures dub.

Anyway, we start off saying it’s the year 2028.  Already I fear for our future.  A woman named Kiddy investigates Spiral Tower in pursuit of something or someone.

So, this is one of those futuristic sci-fi investigation action flicks, right?  Well, next we’re introduced to Nami, who’s dressed up like a miko and uses mystic seals.

Nami also provides pretty much the only comedic scene in the entire movie, and it’s presented SO seriously I’m not 100% sure this wasn’t supposed to be legit.

Okay, so we’ve got future tech, and we’ve got mysticism.  Fine.  I’m totally on board with that; it’s not like they don’t mix, it’s not like I haven’t seen the mix before.

So we’ve got some kind of buddy cop movie with the no-nonsense techie and the squeamish magic-user.  What else ya got, movie?

Ah, yes.  The third member of the team, Katsumi.  She…

She has a talking rock.  Oh, and as it turns out, the three of them are hunting down someone named Lucifer Hawke.  As you might imagine, he’s some kind of horrible demon.  Katsumi finds him and commands her tiny little friend to turn into a sword (I assume… it looks more like a giant stick to me) and clashes with him.

And then she has a flashback.

Wait…

Crap, Katsumi’s the main character, isn’t she?

Wait…

Aw, hell, this is an origin story flashback, isn’t it?

Okay, so four years ago, Katsumi arrived in this city to visit her ailing mother in the hospital.  While stuck in traffic, she decides to step out of her taxi and take a shortcut.

Okay, there are two ways this can turn out: She can get accosted from behind and enter a potential rape scenario, or… pfffftthahahahahaha, as if there’s another possibility.

Surprisingly, it’s not what it looks like.  Turns out that’s a pissed-off past Kiddy, and she wants to know what Katsumi’s doing in a restricted zone.  Katsumi responds by screaming because she’s still in “I’m being mugged and/or raped” mode.  Of course, if you’re just getting annoying bitching shouted at you in this scenario, I’d say you dodged a bullet.

Except Lucifer Hawke is here to make your night that much worse.  OR SO YOU’D THINK.  He mostly looks scary, then kinda leaves.  At least he causes Katsumi to faint first.

Katsumi gets taken in by the secret organization known as AMP.  In this version, that means Abnormal Mystery Police.  Which is two steps forward and two steps back from the original Japanese version’s Attacked Mystification Police.  So… vaguely parallel is what I’m saying, I guess.

Kiddy proceeds to be a total repetitive bitch, constantly asking what Katsumi was doing in a restricted zone and who she is.  Her superior shows up and promptly tells her to stuff it, ordering Katsumi go free to visit her mother.

It doesn’t take long for us, the audience, to know Katsumi’s mother is connected to AMP and Lucifer Hawke in some way, so let’s just get that out of the way.  I want to complain about how freaking horrible the dub is here.  Katsumi’s voice is inconsistent as hell, and it isn’t more noticeable than here.  She occasionally sounds older than her own mother.  When her mother told her (and, thus, the audience) Katsumi was only 19 years old, I promptly shouted BULLSHIT!  We might as well ignore the fact that she flew to this city by herself, apparently took “too long” before visiting her mother, and knows nothing about her own father.  Clearly, no one gave a shit about timeline plausibility.

BUT! Someone gave a shit about awkward monologues and constant bitching!

Katsumi returns to her hotel room and bitches to herself about everything that happened to her while denying the existence of demons and magic.  With that voice, this is just torturous.  Luckily, she’s also undressing as she does it.

Because fanservice always makes up for bitchiness.

And it gets even better.  Katsumi has a shower scene and stays completely silent… Unfortunately, this doesn’t last very long.

Wait, did I say unfortunately?

I OBVIOUSLY MEANT THE BEST POSSIBLE THING.

Lucifer Hawke surprises Katsumi in her shower and talks about how she’s the one he’s been looking for and he’ll enjoy eating her and whatnot.  Of course, Katsumi being the chosen one, she doesn’t get taken out that easily, and… does something that makes him explode.  Which seems to happen fairly often.  But he always comes back for more.  Imagine that.

I should point out that the other AMP members were assigned as bodyguards prior to this.  They’re pretty terrible at their job.

How terrible?

IT HAPPENS AGAIN.  Only this time, before attacking, Lucifer Hawke… I guess beams flashbacks of Katsumi’s past into her mind so she remembers stuff related to why she’s special.  Imagine that.  Maybe instead of Silent Mobius, this should’ve been called Flashback Girl.

Lucifer Hawke is stronger this time, as he is able to survive multiple explosions, not just run one and done.  However, it seems Katsumi’s protective magic has one downside…

Or at least it seems that way.  Katsumi’s mother seems to be feeling the pain that Katsumi is protected from, but this could also just be a coincidence.  At any rate, she knows something’s up, so she heads to the hospital roof to put an end to things.  Yeah, right… that’d be more believable if this weren’t a flashback.

Kiddy and Nami come to the rescue and subsequently get pinned down by a bunch of tentacles because USELESS.

So, Katsumi’s mother finishes her ritual at the top of the hospital, and just like that Lucifer Hawke becomes aware that it’s actually HER he’s after, so he flies straight there… only to job to an obvious trap.

She plans to sacrifice herself to trap Lucifer Hawke forever.  If we could believe that.  With her sacrifice, the full power in Katsumi is awakened, and she proceeds to cry about how she can’t use her powers to save her mother.

FLASHBACK OVER!

The thing Katsumi fought off wasn’t the real Lucifer Hawke!  Wait, how can you tell?  Maybe it’s the real him and he just exploded again.

Lucifer Hawke’s true form appears and proceeds to completely dominate.

Just to review: young, unawakened Katsumi = Lucifer can’t touch her.  Older, trained, badass Katsumi with full powers = no sweat.

Katsumi casts one desperation uber spell (in which she calls for the power of Christian archangels… magic, how does it work?) that seems to defeat him once and for all.

Except when an AMP member explicitly says this is just the beginning and he’s still out there… because… uh…

*shrugs*

Epicness: 3
The action could’ve been better (and there’s clearly a lot of potential there that just wasn’t actualized).

Pleasure Rating: Guilty Pleasure
Honestly, it wasn’t that bad.  Not particularly good, either, and I clearly had a lot of gripes with it.  But the characters were well-defined, even if none of the interesting ones got much screentime.

Rewatchability: 3
Not a bad watch, especially with the fanservice.  This is very much an origin story, and Silent Mobius is much longer than this.  Now, it’s kind of a dull origin and there’s a lot of doubt about whether it’s worth revisiting, but… you can certainly do worse.

Music: Forgettable
It’s functional, I’ll give it that.  The ending credits song has more life to it, but it’s ultimately forgettable as well.

Marketability: 4
Great setting, great character designs, shadows of a well-developed world, and knowledge of when fanservice is absolutely necessary.  I’m not surprised this got a better shake years later.

There’s a second movie and a TV series out there, and I have to say, I’m inclined to check them out.  Not because this movie was particularly good (it wasn’t) but because I know it could do so much more.  And for once, so much more was done.

Just check out that intro. 8 years ago, I’d be all over it. Of course, if I know anything about the era, this is just like Bubblegum Crisis 2040 or Lost Universe: bright, high-quality intro, dull, dated actual animation in-episode with brief, awkward flashes of intro-quality animation for no reason. Not that it matters to me. If there’s one thing I like about the current generation, it’s that episode quality has caught up with intro quality.

Oh, and for no real reason, Steam Detectives intro:

 

Is it fair that I’m willing to give this movie a pass just because Kia Asamiya also wrote Steam Detectives?

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY.