I was considering making an April Fools post, but 1) I didn’t have enough time to brainstorm, 2) There wouldn’t have been much of a payoff, and 3) The first thing that came to mind was having pictures where slices of cheesecakes are censored with breasts and penises, and we don’t need that.
Anyway…
It’s weird… I’ve said before that I would try to do weekly blog posts, but so far the only time I’ve been able to keep up a regular schedule is…
Since I’m busy this week and the next, I decided to go with something light and easy. And when I think of hentai games that are short and easy, I think C’s Ware! Yeah, C’s Ware, the same publisher of Glo-Ri-A, that C’s Ware. I told you Glo-Ri-A was one of the exceptional good ones, right? Well, here’s one of their more representative piles of crap.
You are Yuichi Sakuma, a special agent of the shadowy organazation JES… which stands for Japanese Educational System. Er… yeah. The thing about JES is that they investigate private schools where certain crimes are swept under the rug. Regular police can’t get involved because the students are all juveniles… which is odd because every girl here is 18 or older, right? Riiiiiiiiiiight?
Yuichi investigates the all-girls Amamiya Private School as a biology teacher. And honestly, Amamiya? I can’t think of a more stereotypically uptight girls’ school name.
In addition to the school’s alleged runaway problems, you’re also looking into the disappearance of Megumi Sasaki, the school’s previous biology teacher and also an agent of JES.
Generic storyline aside, the poor quality of the game is first noticed with the lame single-color backgrounds used. The writing and the character designs are pretty meh as well, and combined lead us to blatant lies like this:
Remember when I said EVERY choice mattered in Glo-Ri-A? It’s the opposite here. This is one of those games where you have to exhaust every choice presented to you, and you’re presented with some of the DUMBEST choices ever. For instance, you’re outside the school and need to talk to the principal. You are given a choice to “Go home.” You are FORCED to select it to progress. When you do, Yuichi says “What? No, that’s just a joke. Of course I wouldn’t go home.” WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT?! And that’s not to mention all the times you’re presented with three options for where to go when you can really only select one.
Anyway, the game progresses about the way you expect. You start the first day out being introduced to the girls. The first girl you meet is Hiromi Matsuno.
Every time she leaves, Yuichi thinks to himself “I WANT that…….. What!” Yeah, the translation is awful. It’s had to get a handle on Hiromi since I’m consciously trying to figure out which of her lines are real and which are added by the translators.
Before you can start investigating, you bump into another girl: Yumiko Mizukami.
She’s described as “a tomboy with glasses and a big chest.” Stellar detective work there. She seems to slightly distrust you, primarily because you’re friendly with Hiromi.
And that’s all that constitutes your first day of investigations. Pathetic. You report to the principal right away, and are presented with two options: “Jump the principal” and “Confess love to principal.” Neither choice seems particularly appealing. You have to exhaust both options before finally given the option to leave without doing anything.
Again, I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I think there must have been some kind of miscommunication between the game artist and scriptwriters, because everything Yuichi says about the principal is blatant lies.
You finally get free rein (or as close to free rein as one can expect) during the second day. You learn nothing on your own other than “this gate is big,” “this roof is beautiful,” and “the principal is hot (?)” But then you have a smoke on the roof, see two girls getting it on, and overhear them talking about the runaway students and something about a girl named Sayuri. That’s just doubly convenient right there.
The story won’t progress until you see the principal after the lesbian scene, but once you get to the principal’s office, you say nothing of importance and learn nothing of importance. Other than, I guess, the principal thinks the key to staying beautiful is being in love.
You go back into Investigation Mode, which really consists of moving between the Faculty Room, Principal’s Office, Classroom (well, actually it’s just the hallways, but the option is always presented as “Classroom”) and the Roof, which can only be accessed from the “Classroom.” This time, the goal is to encounter the “Girl who looks like bitch” in the hallways, then talk to the principal, then go to the gate, where you bump into Hiromi, then find Yoko Kawano (one of the lesbians from the roof) and take her to the nurse’s office. There, you find your first REAL clue that something’s up. Pills.
Predictably, Yoko asks that you take her clothes off. You’re finally given an important choice: Stay with Yoko, or try and find the school nurse. Naturally, you decide right away that you might never find the school nurse, so you stay with Yoko.
Just to review, the number of choices in this game that actually made a difference so far is 0.
Yoko needs help masturbating, then the other lesbian shows up. Yuichi tells her to look after Yoko while he looks for the nurse. The principal calls the nurse, then says she’s already at the nurse’s office. Yuichi goes back and no one’s there, but the nurse’s office is now part of the investigation rotation. Yuichi goes back and forth, and in my playthrough, this actually happened: I went to the classroom (nothing special), went to the roof (nothing special), then went back to the classroom and NOW the next story point triggers. Fuck. This. Game.
Now you interrogate Hiromi. What you want to know is what she was doing behind the school. But first she needs to be calmed down with some small talk. Once she’s comfortable, all you can ask is about your first clue, “Sayuri.” Turns out she’s Sayura Amamiya (probably related to Principal Amamiya) and she’s in gymnastics. Now armed with a new lead, you continue on and… are berated by Yuichi every time you try to ask about what Hiromi was doing behind the school, and the game won’t progress until you attempt to declare your love for Hitomi. Fuck. This. Game.
Once you figure out where the gymnastics team is supposed to practice, you head to the gym and meet Noriko Furima, who demands she be called Noriko-chan (or “Nori,” as this was translated during a time where honorifics were just left out).
You end your day with no real information, but some promising leads.
Next day you’re approached by Yumiko, who tells you to stop talking to Hiromi. Next, you talk to Hiromi because fuck ‘er. You learn that your predecessor, Megumi Sasaki, complained of illness and often went to the nurse’s office. You then find out Hiromi is in the swim team. Overall, you spend more time learning details about Hiromi and the swim team than Sasaki and the school nurse.
After some moving around, you end up in the gym and bump into “The girl who looks like a bitch,” finally named as Kyoko Himuro.
Kyoko is the kind of stereotypically vague and cryptic girl that makes you wanna pull your hair out and yell “JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!” The best part about Kyoko is her almost Italian theme music.
After that worthless conversation, you head to the principal’s office, which is empty. You use this opportunity to… leave without investigating, because despite how obviously connected the principal is, Yuichi never suspects her of any wrongdoing. You go all around the place trying to trigger the next event before returning to the principal’s office, where the principal is now waiting for you. Fuck. This. Game.
You bring up topics you’re investigating, including the school nurse, Dr. Iijima. Concerned for your health, the principal hands you some medicine and tells you to go to the nurse. Yuichi is STILL NOT SUSPICIOUS OF THE PRINCIPAL. Fu- ah, screw. Let’s just go straight to the nurse’s office.
It’s. Fucking. Ritsuko.
Anyway, she gives you an exam, then relives you of stress. Guess how.
After finishing up (or rather, being interrupted by Unnamed Lesbian), Yuichi heads back to the faculty room, then the roof, where he notices his body is still affected from before. Whether this is something of concern or if he’s just really horny isn’t clear. The principal calls for him through the speaker system, and… well, you can guess where things go from here.
After what happens there, Yuichi FINALLY does some actual investigating, realizes the problems with his body started after he took the pills the principal gave him, and searches the nurse’s office for some of the pills, then decides to have them analyzed by the lab. Whoo! Actual competence!
At the school gate, Yuichi spots Hiromi and Yumiko having a disagreement. Rather than pry, you take this time to find out when the swim team is having practice. Finally, you get to see girls swimming. Priorities.
Hiromi isn’t there, so you check out the locker room, where you spot Hiromi being tortured by Yuko. Before you can rescue her, Kyoko is there to tell you to stop being so nosy. Then you rescue Hiromi.
Yuichi heads to the gym and bumps into Noriko. She says gymnastics practice is in 30 minutes. So you leave and go right back in. Voila! It’s 30 minutes later! Finally, you meet the infamous Sayuri.
So turns out Sayuri is the Unnamed Lesbian and seems to be aware of your exploits. So to appease her, Yuichi decides to do whatever Sayuri wants of him. What Sayuri wants? For Yuichi to have sex with Yoko while she watches. The horror!
So uh… that happened. What’s next is a bunch of wandering around until Yuichi realizes he needs to relax on the roof despite all the other times he went to the roof and did nothing. There, he sees Hiromi and, without asking anything of importance, cheers her up. With sex. Afterwards, she asks to meet tomorrow at 6PM, and Megumi Sasaki will be there as well. Gee, that’s not the least bit suspicious.
Yuichi thinks about everything that happened that day and bumps into Kyoko again. She warns him to be wary of Hiromi, then leaves. It’s at this point Yuichi realizes he intended to ask the school nurse about Megumi Sasaki. Right. Ask one of the top most suspicious figures in the school about the missing professor / special agent. Well, this game doesn’t have any real options anyway, so might as well just make this run go a bit faster and head straight to the nurse’s office.
Turns out, the talk was uneventful. You do learn that Kyoko asked about Megumi Sasaki though.
The following day, Hiromi is nowhere to be found. You bump into yet another new character in Yumi just outside the gate.
It seems she’s here to hand over the test results for the pills. But she’s also horny and won’t divulge anything until after she gets fucked in the car. Well, at least that answers my question of whether or not her character design will go to waste.
Turns out the pills are highly addictive aphrodisiacs. No shit. But uh… that alone doesn’t really explain anything other than Yoko’s behavior, so it’s kind of a dead end. Still, it’s suspicious, and the principal and Iijima seem to have a hand in it. That’s… something?
Still some time to kill before the meeting, so Yuichi bumps into Noriko, who wants sex, so sex is given.
There’s STILL time to kill, and waiting is hard, so Yuichi heads into the principal’s office, notices someone about to enter, and hides. He spies on the principal and Sayuri (her daughter) making out and other stuff. Also, they seem to have convinced Hiromi of something. Back in the faculty room, Kyoko appears and berates Yuichi for not listening to her vague-ass advice. There is now AN HOUR until the meeting. Ugh.
You head to the rooftop at night (how is it not 6PM yet?!) and meet Yumiko, who threatens you at knifepoint. Is she involved in this mess? Nope. She’s just angry that Senpai doesn’t notice her anymore. Also, she thinks Yuichi raped Hiromi. So she orders him to strip while she has her way with him. That fiend!
It is now 6PM. Time for the meeting. To artificially increase the tension, no one appears until a suspicious noise is made. Yuichi heads to the dressing room to find Kyoko injecting Megumi Sasaki with something. Kyoko is suddenly attacked by Megumi, and Megumi attacks Yuichi. He wakes up tied up. Sayuri has Yoko bring Hiromi over and forces you to have sex with her. THAT FIEND!
While Yoko and Sayuri are distracted, Hiromi frees herself and Yuichi, and Yuichi gives them what they deserve: slaps. He… slaps Sayuri. In the cheek. Several times. Then it turns out she likes it. Then they have sex. Da fuck is going on here?
Anyway, Hiromi finally spills the beans. Principal Amamiya and Dr. Iijima created the drug, gave them to students, and basically used the students for prostitution. Then, when Sasaki got too close to Hiromi, she was trapped and injected with the drug.
Well, time to find Kyoko. She’s in the nurse’s office being anally raped while Dr. Iijima monologues. Fun times. Yada yada yada, Kyoko gets saved. Finally, we have the rest of the mystery solved. Kyoko is a JES agent. Turns out, Yuichi was just bait; he was supposed to be found out as a JES agent while the real agent, Kyoko, searches for evidence under the radar. But she found out because “they’re not stupid.” No, it couldn’t possibly because she was being nosy and asking questions so obvious that even Yuichi asked them, then floated around Yuichi and gave him cryptic warnings that led him to in turn ask about Kyoko. I’m starting to think JES agents are all just poorly trained.
Finally, the team of Yuichi and Kyoko searches the principal’s office to search for decisive evidence hidden behind a bookcase. Behind the bookcase is… a torture room. Where Principal Amamiya is waiting. It was a trap. Oh, and Megumi is there too. She’s been brainwashed as a sex slave. And the principal is just part of a larger organization that has JES members in its back pocket.
Sayuri suddenly shows up with a gun, but she’s actually torn between her loyalty to her mother and her newfound love for Yuichi. She shoots Kyoko in the shoulder and almost shoots Yuichi, but Megumi snaps out of it and saves her by swatting the gun away… and pointed directly at Principal Amamiya’s forehead. What are the odds.
Epilogue. Sayuri and Yoko have been sent away someplace, the missing students haven’t been found, and Hiromi feels better about stuff.
Yuichi gets no one in the end, but he gets handed his next assignment before Megumi and Kyoko drive off to… I dunno, Spirit World.
So yeah, overall, this game was just a slower, clunkier hentai B-movie. Something along the lines of Spy of Darkness or one of the later episodes of Cream Lemon. I will say this though: the music’s okay.
And just to be absolutely clear: there is zero variation in this game. Every time you are given the illusion of choice, all it leads to is alternate dialogue before the game tells you “no, you won’t be doing that after all.” This is literally something that could have been a 45-minute oneshot, but it was made a game instead because it costs less money.